This is the first post I have documented for a while, and compared to my other posts I made this summer, this one is written neither out of ire or frustration.  The subject that I am writing about today deals with something that is new to me.  This year, I think can be attributed to loneliness.  Last year could be associate with anxiety, but this one with loneliness.  This is something new to me, it cannot be characterized by one night in which I am bored, or even consistent nights in which I have nothing to do, but a sense of being alone resultant to the fact that I am, indeed alone.  I think this has been exacerbated by the fact recently that so far, in the beginning of december that I have 9 weddings of good guy friends to attend in the coming year.  My social context is quickly changing and I’m not sure where that leaves me.

I would like to note that this is not an issue of singleness for me, and thankfully I know several people who know exactly what I am talking about.  I am lonely because I have nobody to interact with in my place in life.  Let me paint a picture for you; I wake up, quiet house. I drive to work for an hour, sit down in my cube.  Subsequently most of my day is spent in silence with the occasional work interaction, mostly with people older than my parents.  After work I go home, usually to an empty house.  I just don’t have people to interact with…to share life with.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for my roommates, but these days, things are just different. It is difficult to share life with people these days.  The funny thing is that I do not have a desire to mingle with singles.  Its uncomfortable, its awkward, and at this point in my life…I just like my couple friends better anyway.  They are just not available as friends though like they were.

So, one thing with which is there no uncertainty in my life is my identity as a Christian.  So what does that mean in this context.  Well, I can list off a bevy of verses that are supposed to give me solace, such as “cast your cares on the Lord.”  But the thing is, as I used to be anxious about things that I had no control over, that is not the case.  If there is one thing I learned this year, it is that principle.  With that said, that does not provide me with consolation with my present.  It doesn’t fix the problem.  And as I call it a problem, that is indeed what it is.  I looked into the Bible as to what it says about this subject and to tell you the truth, it speaks very little on the matter.  The most resounding thing that is mentioned is that “It is not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18)”  Clearly, it is a problem.  After that though, the reference to this state of mind is followed up with in Luke 4:42 to with a conversation about Jesus in that “He departed and went to a lonely place.”  So I can assume by that passage that Jesus indeed understood what I experience, but what does that leave me with.  I think the thing about loneliness that I struggle with, is unlike most negative feelings as a human, this one is not out of a result of sin.  In genesis, that problem was before the fall.  What I think that means is that there is nothing I can do to remedy the situation. There is not always things in our power to escape the pain of sin, BUT, God called us to live a certain way with regard to his character.  This is seemingly independent of that.  I have a hard time comprehending it and what I am supposed to do.  The thing is this, I am a social person, I am not a recluse.  I read a study on loneliness and the thing is, none of the things that are recommended apply.  It’s like the situation doesn’t fit.  One thing I know is this…in this period of my life I must rely and trust in God…because I have no other choice.  Just as Adam could not fix his problem, neither can I.